Defendant [prison guards] entered [plaintiff's] cell with plans for a party. And though [plaintiff] was invited to this party, his only purpose at this party was to be their personal pinata. Once Defendant[s] entered the cell they began putting a whooping on [plaintiff] like none he had ever experienced before. Each of the Defendant[s] took turns punching and kicking [plaintiff] in the head and torso of his body. Unfortunately, when the beating had ceased, no candy spilled out of [plaintiff], rather, he was left with three broken ribs from this brutal and savage attack.
1. Sorry for the excessive bracketing, but after a traumatic pinata experience, the guy deserves some anonymity. But not so much that his pain shouldn't be posted as fodder for amusement, of course.
2. To clarify for any non-lawyers out there, "putting a whooping" is not a term of art.
3. I think the head of my body is getting a headache. Of my body.
4. The metaphor was so good that the final comma splice was really gilding the lily.